Immediate Identification Lead
- Duane La Chance, a Gross Engineers employee, suffered third degree burns and was listed in serious condition last night after accidentally electrocuting himself on the job at the Springfield Municipal Power Plant.
Delayed Identification Lead
- A Gross Engineers employee was rushed into the intensive care unit yesterday after being injured on the job. He was listed as being in serious condition Wednesday.
Fact Set #2: Car Accident
Immediate Identification Lead
- No serious injuries resulted when Wayne Clay, 19, crossed over the divider line and crashed head-on into James Cunning's Ford Focus on U.S. 63 today. Cunning is currently in satisfactory condition at Springfield hospital.
Delayed Identification Lead
- A head on collision between a Ford Focus and a vehicle that crossed over the divider line north of Blue Ridge Road on U.S. 63 left no one seriously injured, said Lincoln County Sheriff Dept.
1a) Gross Engineers may or may not be a well-known local company, so I wouldn't put that in the lead. Instead, identify the man as a pipefitter.
ReplyDeleteAlso, "electrocution" implies death, so don't say he was electrocuted. You've got some other details you can use to explain what happened: "accidentally touched a 15,000-volt power line."
1b) Misses the boat -- what happened? Where? How?
2a) The way it's written, it's not news. Instead, focus on the guy who got injured.
2b) Same problem. Where's the news? One guy is in the hospital, so clearly he got hurt.
7/10